whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
