accomplished twins. life is a go
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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