I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
