she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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