This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
