I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
