Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
