I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
