I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
