it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Terrible idea I love it
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
