So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
