yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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