Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
