You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
