nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
