I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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