3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
