We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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