Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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