so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
