super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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