I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
