umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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