i think my tv is drunk
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
