The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
