I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
