I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize