sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
