On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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