we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
