what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
