Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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