Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
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I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
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I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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