One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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