I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize