Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
