the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Also, beer. Big fan.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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