Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Your cock deserves a montage
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
