In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
