I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
