So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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