Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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