guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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