Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
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