i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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