Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
