Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
