are you still at the devil's house?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
