haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
