bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
birth control should be required to get into college
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
