first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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