You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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