This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
