OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
My hand turned me down
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
it's like heaven, but drunker
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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