Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
