Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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