Don't you send me to vm
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
