last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
