i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
