I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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