Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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