You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
