There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
