he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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