If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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