yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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