Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
