My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
