So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
