i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
